7 February 2015

On African Women: A clarification

Jill and I set up this blog several years ago with the original intent to share our stories about being mamas in Africa and about African mamas. Their stories. Their greatness. Their complexity.

So last week when a producer at HuffPo asked me if I wanted to talk about these things, I said sure, why not. Actually I really didn't have much information about what I'd be talking about, but it's easy to agree to stuff like this when you don't know much. And have no idea what HuffPostLive is. Does this have something to do with the Huffington Post?

I did the interview late at night, alone in our empty office (where the internet is good) to a blank screen. There was some sort of technical problem so I couldn't see anything. I could hear the woman asking questions, but that's all. (Sidenote: This is why I'm looking all over the place when I'm talking. I had no focal point.)

Even though I was hyper aware to not say anything racist, sexist or otherwise incriminating, I still got backed into a corner to talk about sharing breast milk when it became obvious the host had done a little research on my sordid past.





I don't remember how it came up, but then I talked about women reaching down my shirt to help me nurse.

HuffPo decided to pull this bit out, The Country Where People Literally Reach Out to Help Moms Breastfeed in Public and throw it around. Presumably because they know how hopped-up everyone gets about breastfeeding.

So there you have it. My message to the world about African women that gets the most traction is my portrayal of them as boob grabbers.



Just pick a focal point! 


I made Jill help me dissect the comments on their Facebook page that came afterward. Do these women love me or hate me? Why are they so fired up? We settled on neither/nor. It's not about me. Breastfeeding is just a contentious issue, even when it's not.  

A bit of clarification, the time this "nursing assistance" happened to me was in Congo one afternoon after church. We stopped on the way home for groceries and Charlotte was fussing all through the store. She wasn't hungry. She was bored and hot. I knew this, I'm her mother. But as I walked past women they told me, "Just feed her. She's hungry." But I didn't because I knew she wasn't hungry. Well I don't know. Maybe she was. But I wasn't letting those mamas boss me around. Until one of them, ahem, helped me along.

This wasn't all that surprising. I know other expat moms who say they've been "helped" in the same way. If you ask me, I think it was more: Hey, I wonder what an awkward white lady nursing looks like. Than: We are in unity with you lactating sister-friend, you are invited to nurse in our communal presence. Because African women are complex. And they don't have the same cultural baggage when it comes to breastfeeding. So messing with a white lady is not a statement. It's just something funny to do.

When I think back to my memories of breastfeeding in Africa, I remember the ridiculous faces Mamicho and Mama Youyou would give me when I used a Boppy. C'mon this is not something that needs special equipment. Nor comfort. Give those upper arms a workout for Pete's sake, they said with their eyes. Or maybe they weren't thinking this at all. Maybe that's just my cultural baggage. Come to think of it, they kind of always had those judgmental looks on their faces.

I do know that Mama Youyou bullied Ani into weaning. In the sweetest way possible, of course. Ani nursed into the days when she was old enough to help fetch water, had she been one of Mama Youyou's daughters. And Mama Youyou made that very clear to her. I blame her for all of Ani's upcoming issues.

So again, Africa isn't really the anything goes breastfeeding utopia HuffPo and I led you to believe.

In sum, African women are complex, but they do not have a complex relationship with nursing. They do not grab boobs with any sort of motive. They like to mess with me. Put me in my place. Make me feel terribly underdressed and under-accessorized for all occasions. They keep me from over thinking this motherhood thing. And feel empowered enough to stick their hands down my shirt. They're pretty darn cool.      




34 comments:

  1. Love this! And you're on HuffPo!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  12. i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346










    i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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  16. My Name David Vennie currently living in Canada. After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Uzoya can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that's was how he came back with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day, our Marriage has now be stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Uzoya. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr,Uzoya is real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband has moved in with another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact Email at; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com Or Whats-app him on +1(301)909-8775.

    ReplyDelete
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  18. My Name David Vennie currently living in Canada. After 12 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Uzoya can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that's was how he came back with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day, our Marriage has now be stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Uzoya. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr,Uzoya is real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband has moved in with another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact Email at; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com Or Whats-app him on +1(301)909-8775.

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  20. Hello everybody, I just want to give this great testimony to the whole public about a great man who helped me out of a serious illness. I have had HSV-1 AND HSV-2 VIRUS for good 2 years now and I was almost going to the end of my life due to the illness. All I have in my mind is, let me just give up because life is not interesting for me any longer and i also pray that God should accept my soul when ever I’m gone luckily for me, my kid sister run to me that she found a doctor in the INTERNET who can cure HSV-1 AND HSV-2 VIRUS. She helped me out with everything, the man asked for my details so he can prepare herbal medicine for me. After he was done consulting on my details he told me how my medicine will be prepare, after he was done preparing my medicine he sent me my medication and after using it for 7 days i later started noticing something different in my blood so I went for my HSV-1 AND HSV-2 VIRUS test and I was tested Negative, I’m so happy that I can say I’m not patient of HSV-1 AND HSV-2 anymore. If you have HSV-1 AND HSV-2 or any sickness,HIV/AID,HPV,CANCER,HEPATITS B DIABETITS ALS,PENIS ENLARGEMNT please for your safety, contact DR.VADI VIA email address (doctorvadi@yahoo.com) or whats APP number +2348074133083

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  22. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
    Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
    Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com  
    Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542

    ReplyDelete
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    I am Mrs,Leores J Miguel by name, I live in United State Of America, who have been a scam victim to so many fake lenders online between November last year till July this year but i thank my creator so much that he has finally smiled on me by directing me to this new lender who put a smile on my face this year 2020 and he did not scam me and also by not deceiving or lying to me and my friends but however this lending firm is BENJAMIN LOAN INVESTMENTS FINANCE (drbenjaminfinance@gmail.com) gave me 2% loan which amount is $900,000.00 united states dollars after my agreement to their company terms and conditions and one significant thing i love about this loan company is that they are fast and unique. {Dr.Benjamin Scarlet Owen} can also help you with a legit loan offer. He Has also helped some other colleagues of mine. If you need a genuine loan without cost/stress he his the right loan lender to wipe away your financial problems and crisis today. BENJAMIN LOAN INVESTMENTS FINANCE holds all of the information about how to obtain money quickly and painlessly via Call/Text: +1(415)630-7138 Email: drbenjaminfinance@gmail.com

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    ReplyDelete
  24. Good News Everyone!! I'm happy my life is back, What a wonderful and simple spell thrower who brought joy and happiness back into my life! I give this testimony because I am so happy, I never believed in spell throwers until my life collapsed when my 8 year relationship lover decided to quit when we wanted to get married. I was so emotionally devastated that I couldn't do anything reasonable, after 3 months of pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to an online spell thrower called Dr. Ogala, I told him all that has happened and he assured me not to worry that everything will be fine. My God after 3 days I saw wonders, My love texted me pleading he wanted me back my life came back like a completed puzzle, Dr Ogala didn't just bring back my Ex he also made me a happily married mother, it was like a dream because I thought I'd lost it forever. I will recommend anyone who ( NEED ANY HELP ) to reach him. email: Drogalad02@gmail.com  WhatsApp or call at +2347049668119! You Desever To Be Happy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. How I Got My Ex Husband Back. Am so excited, All Thanks goes to Dr Prince i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy. it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me, doesn't have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an affair with another woman, I tried to stop him all my effort was in-vain suddenly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our kids, I cried all day, I was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. I read a comment on how Dr Prince helped a lady to brought her husband back, after 2yrs , He helped people with his Magic spell love and reuniting spell. so I decided to contact him and explain my problems to him, he did a love spell that made my husband to come back to me and never think of the woman. this man is God sent to restore heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and continue to use you to save people relationship and any problems contact him for help on princemagicspell@yahoo.com You can also contact him through his WhatsApp +19492293867. Contact him now for love spell to bring back your ex lover he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution to all relationship problems…

    ReplyDelete

  26. How I Got My Ex Husband Back. Am so excited, All Thanks goes to Dr Prince i was married to my husband, and we were living fine and happy. it come to an extend that my husband that use to love and care for me, doesn't have my time again, until i fined at that he was having an affair with another woman, I tried to stop him all my effort was in-vain suddenly he divorce me and went for the woman. he live me with two of our kids, I cried all day, I was in pains, sorrow and looking for help. I read a comment on how Dr Prince helped a lady to brought her husband back, after 2yrs , He helped people with his Magic spell love and reuniting spell. so I decided to contact him and explain my problems to him, he did a love spell that made my husband to come back to me and never think of the woman. this man is God sent to restore heart break and reunite relationship. may the lord be your strength and continue to use you to save people relationship and any problems contact him for help on princemagicspell@yahoo.com You can also contact him through his WhatsApp +19492293867. Contact him now for love spell to bring back your ex lover he is the best spell caster and he is the best solution to all relationship problems…

    ReplyDelete
  27. After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don’t believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +15068001647
    you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS

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