Wait. Where's the leather La-Z-boy room?

Adam and I have lived outside the United States for about 6 years now. I don’t deny my American upbringing. I don’t try to put a “u” in color or insist that drinks without ice are “way better.” I'm American cultured through and through. But Jill’s breastfeeding post made me think about how I totally missed the boat on the American culture of breastfeeding. The baby thing happened to us after we left the States, so I had paid zero attention to this while we were still Stateside. Therefore I find myself embarrassingly oblivious when it comes to how Americans think about nursing. This article about Beyonce seems like it’s from outer space.

My guess is the readers of this blog also find it ridiculous that Beyonce nursing in public would be trendsetting.

I've totally missed out because Charlotte was born in South Africa where the malls in Cape Town have rooms with leather La-Z-Boys for nursing mothers. Then the remainder of the time I nursed her was in Congo, where it’s obviously a non-issue.

  by  Iain Farrell And those Cape Town rooms looked kinda like this.
 

Annaïs, however, was born in the States. Enter a very strange feeling on my part for having no idea what is culturally acceptable in my own country.

I didn’t even know how much I didn’t know until we were at T.J. Maxx with one week-old Annaïs. (We usually spend the entirety of our summer vacation in American discount stores.) So Adam looks over as I’m casually shopping while very obviously nursing Ani. He runs over and yell-whispers, “WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING??” I paused in panic and thought, Oh, I…I…I have no idea what I’m doing. Is this ok? Am I going to get in trouble? What’s the social norm here? I looked around to see if anyone had recoiled in horror, which they had not. But that may have been because there were only Mexican women around, and I’m pretty sure they were ok with it.

I'm still pretty out of touch with how and when and where it’s considered not-so-weird to be nursing Stateside. My guess is that the social norm falls somewhere between my complete obliviousness to breastfeeding in public and Adam’s terrified we’re-about-to-get-arrested response.

Now, I’m not crazy. I realize private leather La-Z-Boy rooms are not universal and nursing involves a part of your body not normally exposed. But I still don't understand why Beyonce nursing in public is news. My beloved Facebook has an anti-nursing photo policy? And the group that thinks that’s wrong is called lactivists. People have to stage nurse-ins. There's an entire industry of nursing cover-ups. A woman got kicked out of church for nursing? What is this world?

In our church I’m rarely the only woman nursing mid-sermon. But I’ve recently discovered it is socially acceptable to go sit outside the church to nurse. I suspect, however, that this is because it’s much cooler out there, and I happily joined them in using the excuse of nursing my child so I can get a breeze. (Congo Mamas: I’m on to you and your schemes of skipping the sermon for fresh air!) Last week a little tot saw me finish with Ani and reached down my shirt as if she was next in line.

The idea of sharing milk isn't so strange either. Thanks to the wonder of the breast pump, I've shared milk in several countries and not even considered it strange to ask someone if they're interested in my donation. In the middle of the night the idea of a wet nurse seems really amazing. Ask Jill, I've flirted with this idea often. The point is, what's weird when it comes to nursing and what's not weird? I go for everyone nurses everyone else's babies anywhere, anytime. Ça va?

Tweet

Friday List.

I love links.

I love the modern footnote that is "the link."  So brilliant.  So convenient.

I love clicking through a list of recommended photos, articles, products, and ideas.  Most days, Sarah and I end up emailing or Skyping each other many times - sharing things we've read or seen.  So - we thought we'd jump on the "Friday links" bandwagon (thank you, Cup of Jo, Design Mom, and numerous other blogs for the idea...), and share these things with you too.

With a Congo spin, of course.

So - here is the inaugural Friday List:

JILL:

• I think a lot about glasses for little kids.  Elias started wearing glasses at age 4 and the search for durable, stylish, wearable kids glasses has been a challenge I've fully embraced. Right now, we have two pairs of these.  Which have been incredibly durable and great for a kindergartener living in Africa.  But, these gorgeous, round glasses might be good for a more mature 6-year-old look, eh?  I'm currently crushing on these:

• This "debate" is hard to watch   

• Remembering the explosion across the river on Sunday morning, 4 March.

Image by NASA.

• Celebrating TWO! and seriously scheming for another birthday tomorrow (30, dear husband?)

 

• Since our little ones hear and speak French on a daily basis, we're always looking for French language books and toys.  But these products are almost IMPOSSIBLE to find online for shipment to the U.S. (Amazon France - argh!)  I have found this amazing site, however.  It's pricey, yes.  But, for a special birthday treat...absolutely.

• World Bicycle Relief (WBR)?

  by  worldbiking.info 

• Listening to this.  On repeat.  (And trying to ignore Johan when he whines about Conor Oberst every time that song comes on.)

  by  Neil Krug 

SARAH:

Picks of the weekend -

• Currently reading this book.

• Wish I was in Grade 5 at TASOK and reading this book. 

• Best blog about Congo. (Well, second to this one, of course.)

• Who we pretend we are.

• And Happy 30^th! Did you think we forgot?

Tweet

Mama Congo Tracks Joseph Kony

Now that over 70 million people have seen Invisible Children’s Joseph Kony video, I’m sure an equal number of Mama Congo readers are wondering what our Congolese friends have to say. So I conducted a very scientific study…meaning I chit-chatted with about a dozen people.

  by  mandyldewaal 

I started explaining the crazy phenomenon of a video on the internet going viral. This is kind of a funny conversation in itself of how we throw around the word “virus,” which of course has a totally different meaning here. Then I’d say, “Tell me more about the LRA.” Interestingly, few knew much. In French the LRA is called l’armée de résistance du Seigneur, but for some reason keeps the acronym LRA from English.

Of those who had definitely heard of the LRA, only one knew of Joseph Kony. (And this friend is from Central African Republic where Kony’s rumored to be hiding out.) I talked to friends from several provinces including ones in the north and east where much of the LRA conflict is taking place, and still they weren’t totally versed in the subject.--If only they had read this gem of an article written by the world's foremost expert on everything.

In the last four years, the LRA has killed over 3,000 people and led to the displacement of about 440,000. The majority of this has taken place in the DRC. It’s hard for me to offer much commentary on why Kinois (or at least the ones from my “incredibly extensive” survey) don’t know much about the LRA.

One theory that came up in conversation is that Congo is so huge. The size of Western Europe in fact. And to put it bluntly, there are a lot of complicated conflicts going on here. The stuff dissertations and extremely dense books are made up of. The LRA, while incredibly horrible, is just one part of the problem. Another theory is that there are actually ties between the current government and the LRA, so information is heavily managed.

A news item many Congolese are excited to talk about is Obama sending Special Forces to the area in October. For some, this was their introduction to the LRA issue, perhaps because it made international news.

  by  nicanicasather 

In the week following the Kony video, it's easy to be critical. It’s obvious that a 30 minute video can’t possibly do justice to the issue. Often we get upset that no one pays attention to what’s going on in the region, and then get upset when we do get attention because it’s not the right kind of attention. I think we should spend less time complaining and more time being productive with the press we get. Suggestions welcome on how to make that possible.

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually seen the Kony video. Our internet isn’t good enough to support it. That’s probably the LRA’s fault.

Tweet

happy two, lou!

My petite LouLou turns 2 this Friday.

And I feel happy.

Happy...

• ...because of this feisty girl of mine.

• remembering the swiftest & loveliest labor and delivery of all time 2 years ago.  Born in the water - because she had and does have her own ideas about how things should happen.  Low was playing in the background.

• being able to send out a birthday invite that simply says, "Meet us on our porch!" and know that all of our Kinshasa friends will just show up for a little toddler dance party in the humid evening.  We'll eat passion fruit and mangosteens.  Mupwa will make her a birthday bouquet.  She'll wear a birthday crown made with pagne. Her 2nd birthday will always be a Congo birthday.

•  thinking about eating the gooey traditional birthday monkey bread.

• planning a playlist (Tom Waits, Konono No. 1, M.I.A., The Handsome Furs, Joy Division, The Black Keys, New York Dolls, & Kinshasa One Two).  This girl can dance (thank goodness someone in the family can...).

We'll be missing our stateside family and friends - absolutely.  Celebrations while living thousands of miles away are bittersweet.  We'll have them on Skype, but it won't be the same.  Different and hilarious as the internet cuts in and out on our bad central African connection - but a little sad too.  We'll look forward to celebrating again this summer when we're back in Virginia.  

In the meanwhile, the 16th of March will be a gala event in celebration of two-year-old-hood.  

On our porch (as it's prime mosquito time).  With laughing friends.  And delicious food.  And crazy music (both completely inappropriate and perfect for children).  

It's a good life.

Tweet

nik-nak

Just a sample of what awesomeness is available in our school cafeteria.  I love almost nothing more than snacks from other countries. Johan and I had our first date at an Asian market and fell for each other over YanYans.

© BrokenSphere / Wikimedia Commons

                                             

My favorite tourist destination anywhere?  The grocery store. (In close competition with the pharmacy.)

Food packaging is the best.

Check out that Nik-Nak thumbs up - irresistible.

Tweet

Bitten by BCG

A few people have wondered about the “disgusting bite” Ani has on her arm. Well it was the BCG bug. Or rather, her vaccine for tuberculosis. The BCG vaccine is kind of a funny one. Ani got it about 3 months ago during our Christmas trip to South Africa. It’s taken this long for her to have a reaction. I'll spare you the details of the extent of its grossness, but I've even heard a certain unnamed medical professional call it gross.

Charlotte had the same reaction, except we were totally taken off guard. Because she was born in South Africa, they automatically give the BCG at birth. You can imagine our surprise when 3 months later this happened to our new baby’s arm.

Our pediatrician in Cape Town didn’t even think of telling us what to expect because the BCG vaccine is so common (outside the US). Thanks. That’s the type of thing first-time parents love having to figure out on their own. Dangerous spider bite?  Nope, just her shot from a few months ago.

So our girls will forever have these funny little scars on the top of their right arms. But don’t worry, as our South African pediatrician told us, “No harm. They’ll just tan a bit different there.” Umm, have you seen their complexions? There will be no tanning over those scars. And then he casually adds, "Oh- be sure not to pick at it, there's live TB in there."

Interestingly, the US is one of the only countries that doesn’t give the BCG. We rely instead on TB testing. Remember that under-the-skin test for a reaction before you work in food service or other TB-sensitive job? Apparently after you’ve been given the BCG vaccine, you’ll always test positive for TB. We’ll see what happens when the girls try to get their first waitressing jobs.

Vaccines are kind of a funny thing when raising babies in Congo. For a variety of reasons we’ve always imported our own vaccines. And when I say “import” I mean we physically carry them in a cooler on the plane. They stay in our fridge until vaccination time and then Jill (or current TASOK nurse) will come over and give them. It’s a funny system, but it works.

For example, here's what we did last night:

And no vaccine anxiety for us. Chances are the disease we’re immunizing against lives a few blocks down the street. So we always think, “Oh! There’s a vaccine against that? We’ll take two!”

Tweet

wear your baby: DIY by Mama NouNou

Today - while Sarah and I are off with Dr. Laure the obstetrician (don't worry, we'll fill you in later!) - we leave you with Mama NouNou's guide to wearing your baby.

It's easy, cheap, convenient, and good for everyone involved.

All you need is a tablecloth, an old sheet, or a length of sturdy fabric.  Here, everyone uses about 2 meters of pagne (the gorgeous cloth that we blabber on about any chance we get):

                                       

So, grab your fabric and your baby and follow these THREE simple steps:

 Have a baby who isn't quite ready for the back carry yet?  Stay tuned for Mama NouNou's solution in a future post.

(Special thanks to dearest little Annaïs and Mama NouNou, of course.)

p.s.  Mama NouNou is the same person as Mama "NuNu" mentioned in previous posts...she simply corrected my misspelling...!

Tweet

Happy Day!

the girls in their International Women's Day dresses...

Happy International Women's Day!

We're celebrating by drinking mimosas & coffee, listening to Patti Smith cover Nirvana, attempting to make monkey bread, and hanging out with friends while the mamas have the day off.  All the little girls are wearing their new couture, of course.  Elias showed his support by gathering armfuls of flowers for everyone. 

Mama Vida is a member of the Woman's Federation for World Peace.  She was planning on going to a meeting of her organization, where their surprise matching uniforms would be revealed.  Later - they are marching.

Mama NuNu is hanging out at home today.  When I chatted with her, she told me that she has reservations about International Women's Day.  She claims a more conservative view on women's roles and feels that it is inappropriate for "women to be out in the bars, drinking beers and dressed all fancy on this day."  She feels uncomfortable about woman wanting to march for equality and autonomy, "because men and women aren't equal!" she said, simply.  She went on to say that she felt that the woman's role was in the home and that it was embarrassing for "women to be demanding to work in an office."  There, we found a little common ground - talking about how mothers are responsible to teach the next generation about peace, education, and respect.  But - it was obvious to both of us that our views are quite divergent.

Interestingly, Tchic (the fabled French teacher from the "pants" comment), also thinks Women's Day is a bit of a farce.  But, for the opposite reason as NuNu.  He thinks that the DRC does need women in offices, the government, as store owners, etc. but that International Women's Day is more of a meaningless gesture of placation than anything that will actually help involve women in the future of Congo.  Tchic's a bit of a radical, obviously.

Mama YouYou perhaps said it best.

Elias was sad and whining about the lack of an "International Boy's Day,"  Mama YouYou said to him, without even looking up from her sewing,  "Little boy, every other day is Boy's Day.  March 8th is the one day we have."

Tweet

International Women's Day

Tomorrow is International Women’s Day. Every year on March 8th or le 8 Mars women in Congo celebrate themselves. As they should. I had never really heard of International Women’s Day before moving to Congo, but they take it pretty seriously here. There are parades and beautiful dresses. Who could ask for more?
          
Women’s Day is a tradition started in 1909 as a Socialist political event.
Eastern European posters from the 1930s say, "Down with the oppression and narrow-mindedness of household work!" and, “The 8th of March is the day of rebellion of working women against kitchen slavery." I kind of wish all Congolese women had their own kitchen.

The 1932 Soviet poster dedicated to the 8th of March holiday.
The red text reads:

The 8th of March: A day of rebellion by working women against kitchen slavery.

The grey text in lower right reads:

Say NO to the oppression and vacuity of household work!"
Source: plakaty.ru

In Congo during the weeks leading up to Women’s Day, there are pagnes with the year’s special design. Women have elaborate dresses made from the fabric to wear on their day. Our very progressive, very opinionated French tutor told Jill he thought women should be making themselves pants for Women’s Day instead of dresses. He may have a point.

This year’s theme in Congo is women who work in the fields or forest harvesting manioc and maïs. Les cultivatrices. They’ll parade tomorrow waving leaves and fronds.

I asked Mama Youyou and Mamicho a bit more about the traditions and they said mainly it’s the man’s responsibility to buy pagne for their wives and children. If he forgets he’s in big trouble. Just then a friend walked in and I asked him if he had bought his wife and children their pagne yet. He said, “Bien sur.” And then I asked if he would be in trouble if he forgot. I've never seen a more serious, “Bien sur!”

In celebration, Jill and I will be making Adam drive us out in the bush. Our pastor’s wife is an OBGYN and she’s invited us to her hospital to see her work. What better way to celebrate than learn more about women working for women. And make my husband do something he probably doesn't want to do.

Tweet

the run.

I was recently put in charge of a run.
I'm not a runner (unless you count my lazy attempts at running "the wall" - more on that later), but here I find myself in charge of a benefit run.

This run is an institution at The American School of Kinshasa.  Begun several years ago, it was inspired by a parent's desire to use the campus to benefit the community.  I have a lot to live up to!  For the past several years the event has been part of Run for Congo Women: A global run/walk movement benefiting Women for Women International’s Congo program.

                                               
Run for Congo Women is a good thing (Oprah likes it!).  Women for Women International is doing good things in the Congo.  For sure.

But - it felt a little weird to hold a run where the money raised was mailed to the U.S. so that it could be repackaged and sent back to the Congo.  It seemed inefficient.

So, I did some searching to try to estimate how much of our money would likely make it back to our Congolese neighbors if we did participate in Run for Congo Women again.  From what I could figure (because these organizations are respectably transparent about their financial information), the journey our money would make would hypothetically go something like this:

1.) Our school raises $2000 through a Run For Congo Women event. 

2.) We keep costs low through donations, but there is still around $200 overhead = $1800.

3.) We mail $1800 to Women for Women International's Global Support Center in New York.  "An average of 75% goes [to the Congo program]" = $1350. 

4.) Women for Women International processes our donation.  Around 24% goes towards necessary operations fees = $1012.50 comes back to the Congo to support WFWI's Congo program.

Now.  I'm totally opening up a can of international-globalization-aid-based economy-developing nation-economic worms.  I know.  But unless you simply ignore it (and we all do this sometimes), it's hard to do anything in Kinshasa without these issues staring you in the face (remember my cereal saga?)

Educated folks confirm that if this little run is trying to basically raise funds for our neighbors, we should work with a local organization. 

Kinshasa is crawling with NGOs, international aid organizations, mission outfits, you name it.  There are many people who could make good use of a donation from our event.  My goal was to find a  way to combine the run's original vision of serving Congolese women with a new dedication to local, sustainable, partnership.  In order to find something trustworthy I talked with my friend Anna.  Who talked with her friend Sophie of the Carter Center. Sophie, without hesitation, suggested we chat with Gabrielle of Fond pour les Femmes Congolaises (FFC).

       

The FFC is located right in our own neighborhood of Ngaliema here in Kinshasa. (We will literally drive our donation down the road!) Here's how Gabrielle describes her organization:

The fund's vision of building a Congo where women have the right to bodily integrity, economic justice, and participation at all levels in decisions that affect their lives and their communities.
As to the purpose, it mobilizes resources contributing to the development of collective action by Congolese women for impact - visible and holistic - in the lives of Congolese women and their communities.

She has been terribly patient with my dreadful French in emails to her - so I'm already grateful and looking forward to working closely with her.  Here in Congo, we've found a great solution to who will be the beneficiary of this event.

However, if you are reading from the U.S. or the U.K., I encourage you to find a Run for Congo Women near you.  Yes, I did just tell you about that pesky 25% that inevitably goes towards "operations,"  but actually,  25% is respectable considering the type of organization.  These efforts know their audience.  They know that it's super hard to get people to care about big issues in other parts of the world.  They know they have to spend money on looking pretty in order to garner support and participation. So, while it's not ideal for us already here in the Congo to collaborate with them, you in Virginia, Washington, London, Texas, and New Mexico...you should! 



More later...

Let us know if you sign up to participate in a run/walk near you...

Tweet